Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
