Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
