Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
