what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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