i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
