Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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