I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
