You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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