the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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