You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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