The maid of honor just puked.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
