I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
