Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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