If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
