don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
