Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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