I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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