Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
