Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Who died my cat blue again?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
