didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
