1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
