I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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