I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
