I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
