apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
