My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
