I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
