Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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