if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
