Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
