oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
