all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
