Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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