we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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