thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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