So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
