I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
