he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
