Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
