Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
