I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
