You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
