i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think my fart just growled at me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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