I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
