he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
