If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
