I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wish I only lived at night.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
