I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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