Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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