he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
