I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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