Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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